It has been a brief moment since I last whined on this thing. Mainly because nothing has happened.
Seriously, nothing.
This has been the least eventful couple of months ever. Oh, I did watch 3 seasons of Sons of Anarchy in less than a week. That's...something, I suppose.
I have also completely gone off my diet. I (no lie) had onion rings two times yesterday. I CRAVE them. I want them inside of me. I might punch you in the face if you deny me my o-rings. I would DEFINITELY smash your nose into your brain if you tried to come between me and an oreo shake. Or fried cheese. Mmmmmm, fried cheese.
Needless to say, it's becoming a problem. So, I have employed my co-worker to start being mean to me when I eat too much. People bitch so much about shaming the fatties, but really, if we don't know how disgusting we are, how will we ever learn to love ourselves? Not for who we are, oh no. But who we could, nay, SHOULD be. When we stop eating delicious food.
My co-worker does not want to do this. She has mentioned that she feels like an asshole. So, I am going to make her scripts, dependent on the situation, to keep me from eating things I don't need.
"Really? You really want another bread stick? Are you SURE?"
"I'm not certain you're going to like the way you look after you eat that cheeseburger."
"Man, your pants are looking a little tight today. Would you like me to order you a salad instead of that shake?"
"Jesus, fatty, see if you can shove something ELSE in your face whydontcha?"
This plan is fool proof. She's super nice, so logically she would never say something about me that wasn't true. And if I get past logic, I can say hey, she has a point. I DON'T need cheese curds and french fries. That WILL make my ass look fat.
Now for the BIG picture.
I implore all of you, friends, to do the over weight people in your life a favor and just start shaming the shit out of them. Sure, the weak might use that as an excuse to eat more or...cut themselves. But really, what's bad about one less chubber in the world? Eventually we all really do need to learn that no one will TRULY love us until we stop trying to accept ourselves for who we are and become what others think we should be.
