So, I went to Kentucky this weekend. Amazing. So beautiful and everyone is so flippin' NICE. And short, which works out well for me since I went to a show and could actually SEE for once.
The bad part, which I am focusing on because of the lack of medication flowing through my veins, is that somewhere between here and Kentucky I lost my medication. I do not need my medication in the way that some people need their medication. Or whatever substances they use. But when I am forced to go cold turkey off my medication because I don't realize I lost it until a Sunday night and it can't be refilled until the following Tuesday, bad things happen. I liken myself to a heroin addict, forced by her parole officer to get off the junk. The brain, while not born needing this chemical, has come to love it and requires it for normal function. When it is taken away suddenly, the brain gets angry and mixes up all the wires up there just to let you know it misses its chemical. Were I to wean myself off of the medication, the brain would have plenty of notice and time to get used to the idea.
Anyway, my brain has spent the last few days being less than pleased with me and letting me know in the least pleasant ways it can think of. Coupled with me knowing that since I had just filled the prescription, my insurance would not cover it twice in one week, so I would be out a fuck ton of money. That makes me grumpy on a GOOD day.
All this time wallowing in self-pity and headaches has had some interesting non-medical related side effects. I cried to a Ryan Gosling movie. I decided that I am done done donesky with a good portion of people in my life. Not like ohmygodIhateyouyou'reaterribleperson done. Just...done. Tired of feeling like a second class citizen (in the white person problem sort of way, of course.) Tired of feeling left out. Tired of thinking about it. And how does a person fix something like that? They give themselves something else to think about. It's all up to me, kids. And if I don't like the way I'm being treated, I am the only one with the ability to change that. I can't change you, but I can change how much room I give you in my life.
Got my meds back today. Hopefully the run-on sentences will subside with the irrational anger.
No comments:
Post a Comment