Tomorrow is my "surgery." That makes it sound so much more serious than it really is. It's an outpatient procedure to make me a non-baby maker. Which is the best thing ever, really. Spending $70 a month on birth control for the next 20 or so years makes me want to die almost as much as the idea of growing a human being inside of me.
Seriously. There is another HUMAN BEING growing inside of you. Leeching off your nutrients and forming from nothing. It makes its eyeballs and fingernails and kidneys while it is inside your body.
VOMIT.
So, that's tomorrow morning. I'm more nervous now that my doctor told me sometimes it doesn't work. The body can expel the coils or sometimes they can't place them. If that happens they're going to do an actual tubal ligation and just tie me off. Not excited at that thought, but it's better than nothing I suppose.
I just deleted a big long rant about a boy. Being upset does no good and pretending my feelings or opinions count for shit is ridiculous, so why bother? I have friends that love me and want me around even when stress happens, and that is all that matters. <3
In the wise words of Jane Austen, if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your conversation to the weather or the roads. Or your reproductive choices.
Wish me luck, my 8 readers. I'm excited and terrified. :)
Monday, July 9, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
I Give
I am an angry beaver today. There is no getting around it .
Fuck you for ignoring me. Fuck you for continuing to put me second to any fucking thing you can come up with. Fuck you for saying I'm your best friend and making me believe you weren't full of shit. Fuck you for saying you'd be there me. Fuck you for ignoring me. FUCK YOU FOR IGNORING ME.
Christ on a cross. I'm a goddamn idiot.
On a better, less vague note, I finally scheduled my baby maker fixin' appointment. Yay for me.
This is pointless. I'm gonna be over here being pissed.
Fuck you for ignoring me. Fuck you for continuing to put me second to any fucking thing you can come up with. Fuck you for saying I'm your best friend and making me believe you weren't full of shit. Fuck you for saying you'd be there me. Fuck you for ignoring me. FUCK YOU FOR IGNORING ME.
Christ on a cross. I'm a goddamn idiot.
On a better, less vague note, I finally scheduled my baby maker fixin' appointment. Yay for me.
This is pointless. I'm gonna be over here being pissed.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
New Plan
Last weekend, my roommate of 2 years had to unexpectedly move out. This makes me a super sad panda. I could not have asked for a better roommate, and I had a lot of fun living with him.
Asshole.
So, he moves out. There goes that rent. Shit.
THEN, I look at my mortgage payment and realize it has gone up...a lot.
Fuck.
Not much I can do about either of these things. I can't sell my house. I don't want to find another roommate. Girl Roommate and I can both be...difficult, one might say. She and I are polar opposites when it comes to cleaning, cooking, housework. Boy Roommate was perfectly in the middle (as in he was just as lazy as me, but didn't mind being yelled at to do things) and I don't know that we could find another dynamic like that.
I am formulating a new plan to save money.
No Spend Summer.
I was already KIND OF planning on doing this, just to see how it goes. I made a half-ass budget, and I really do make good money. Where does it all go, you ask?
Let's be honest here. Mostly booze and blow. Substituting pizza for the blow.
So, I'm gonna just spend less. Easy, right? SUUUUUURE.
The main points that I have worked out are
1. Keep lots of vodka in the house, and little food.
2. Gorge on food at work, because they pay for it.
3. When I feel hungry at night, take a shot of vodka and go for a walk.
4. Dandelions are food.
5. There is no shame in eating leftover coffee grounds. Tasty AND reduces waste.
It seems like a good, solid plan so far. I'll keep working on it. If anyone has any suggestions (Don't say drink less vodka. That's just crazy talk.) I'll be happy to hear them.
Asshole.
So, he moves out. There goes that rent. Shit.
THEN, I look at my mortgage payment and realize it has gone up...a lot.
Fuck.
Not much I can do about either of these things. I can't sell my house. I don't want to find another roommate. Girl Roommate and I can both be...difficult, one might say. She and I are polar opposites when it comes to cleaning, cooking, housework. Boy Roommate was perfectly in the middle (as in he was just as lazy as me, but didn't mind being yelled at to do things) and I don't know that we could find another dynamic like that.
I am formulating a new plan to save money.
No Spend Summer.
I was already KIND OF planning on doing this, just to see how it goes. I made a half-ass budget, and I really do make good money. Where does it all go, you ask?
Let's be honest here. Mostly booze and blow. Substituting pizza for the blow.
So, I'm gonna just spend less. Easy, right? SUUUUUURE.
The main points that I have worked out are
1. Keep lots of vodka in the house, and little food.
2. Gorge on food at work, because they pay for it.
3. When I feel hungry at night, take a shot of vodka and go for a walk.
4. Dandelions are food.
5. There is no shame in eating leftover coffee grounds. Tasty AND reduces waste.
It seems like a good, solid plan so far. I'll keep working on it. If anyone has any suggestions (Don't say drink less vodka. That's just crazy talk.) I'll be happy to hear them.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Half Thoughts
This has been a tumultuous couple of weeks. And by that of course I mean I'm a well paid white girl who lives in the suburbs in an awesome house with awesome people and never wants for anything, but sometimes gets wrapped up in her own little crazy brain and makes mountains out of potholes. (That's a thing, right?)
I'm having a hard time completing thoughts lately. Poor Internet Stranger has had to face the brunt of this so I'm gonna try and get some of it out here. I'm fairly certain he's mentally looking at porn while I talk, but let's be honest here, I'd be doing the same thing.
WW online is going pretty well. Went to see my very judgmental doctor and she actually had nice things to say to me. Down 22 lbs since the last time I saw her and apparently I have perfect skin. Like Nicole Kidman. Does that mean I naturally produce botox?
Next week I will turn 33. It seems like the absolute most boring age to be. Which means I will be FORCED to create my own excitement. I will kick this off by going to Minnesota and hanging out with some of my favorite people in the entirety of the universe. (Meet them. Tell me I'm being hyperbolous. Also, that's a word.) Camping, Hmong town, great little outfits. Not to mention love and snuggles and feeling at home.
Yeah.
Thoughts are hard. I'm gonna listen to Concrete Blonde on Pandora, pretend I'm accomplishing things, and mentally prepare for George Clinton tonight. More...spending 6 hours in the car with my parents tomorrow after going to see George Clinton.
I will leave you with one of my favorite pictures that I recently stole from the internet. Nature is fucking rad.
I'm having a hard time completing thoughts lately. Poor Internet Stranger has had to face the brunt of this so I'm gonna try and get some of it out here. I'm fairly certain he's mentally looking at porn while I talk, but let's be honest here, I'd be doing the same thing.
WW online is going pretty well. Went to see my very judgmental doctor and she actually had nice things to say to me. Down 22 lbs since the last time I saw her and apparently I have perfect skin. Like Nicole Kidman. Does that mean I naturally produce botox?
Next week I will turn 33. It seems like the absolute most boring age to be. Which means I will be FORCED to create my own excitement. I will kick this off by going to Minnesota and hanging out with some of my favorite people in the entirety of the universe. (Meet them. Tell me I'm being hyperbolous. Also, that's a word.) Camping, Hmong town, great little outfits. Not to mention love and snuggles and feeling at home.
Yeah.
Thoughts are hard. I'm gonna listen to Concrete Blonde on Pandora, pretend I'm accomplishing things, and mentally prepare for George Clinton tonight. More...spending 6 hours in the car with my parents tomorrow after going to see George Clinton.
I will leave you with one of my favorite pictures that I recently stole from the internet. Nature is fucking rad.
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| Does this mountain make me look fat? |
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Bravo Stickers and the Joy of Fiber
Last week I decided to quit Weight Watchers and join Weight Watchers Online. I'm losing about 4/10 of a pound per week which, yeah, is better than nothing, but I don't want to pay $50 a month for less than 3 lbs per month. WW online is $18 per month, which seems more reasonable since I had quit going to meetings anyway. I have plenty of cheerleaders, I don't need complete strangers telling me I'm rad.
Duh. Of course I am.
Although the last meeting I went to was very interesting. It was all about fiber. Since then I have been working really hard to up my fiber intake. Which means that I do basically nothing all day but poop. Which is AWESOME. I won't go into details, but I can feel my intestines shrinking from not holding on to so much goodness.
As per usual, I have not thought this entry out very well. But since I don't go to meetings anymore, I don't get Bravo stickers, which are WW rewards for the little accomplishments that come between the big weight loss goals. So, I'm gonna list some of my own here.
When NG and I broke up a million years ago, I lost about 6 lbs from not eating for a month, mostly from the underboob area on my right side. Even with all the weight I gained over the years, that little bit of fat never came back. (Weird, right?) I always thought it was strange because there was no fat there to grab, and the left side was grabbable. Now, my left underboob almost matches my right underboob! Go me!
I am on the smallest belt hole on a belt that 4 months ago I was on the largest. (That sentence makes sense, I swear.)
I like doing sit ups and try to do them every day, working on adding some every week, splitting them between boring and kettlebell.
I look forward to cardio night for more than just the drunken makeouts that follow the exercise. (What? Pshaaaw. That never happens...)
That's probably enough for now but I'm gonna keep posting these as they happen. Summertime is almost here and it's gonna be a good one, friends. Lots going on and way too much fun to be had. One month until I leave for Minnesota Birthday Extravaganza. Then begins the Summer of Music. I may have spent WAY too much money on concert tickets for this summer. But goddamn, there is so much goodness coming to KC this year!
Rambling. Rambles. I have to poop.
Duh. Of course I am.
Although the last meeting I went to was very interesting. It was all about fiber. Since then I have been working really hard to up my fiber intake. Which means that I do basically nothing all day but poop. Which is AWESOME. I won't go into details, but I can feel my intestines shrinking from not holding on to so much goodness.
As per usual, I have not thought this entry out very well. But since I don't go to meetings anymore, I don't get Bravo stickers, which are WW rewards for the little accomplishments that come between the big weight loss goals. So, I'm gonna list some of my own here.
When NG and I broke up a million years ago, I lost about 6 lbs from not eating for a month, mostly from the underboob area on my right side. Even with all the weight I gained over the years, that little bit of fat never came back. (Weird, right?) I always thought it was strange because there was no fat there to grab, and the left side was grabbable. Now, my left underboob almost matches my right underboob! Go me!
I am on the smallest belt hole on a belt that 4 months ago I was on the largest. (That sentence makes sense, I swear.)
I like doing sit ups and try to do them every day, working on adding some every week, splitting them between boring and kettlebell.
I look forward to cardio night for more than just the drunken makeouts that follow the exercise. (What? Pshaaaw. That never happens...)
That's probably enough for now but I'm gonna keep posting these as they happen. Summertime is almost here and it's gonna be a good one, friends. Lots going on and way too much fun to be had. One month until I leave for Minnesota Birthday Extravaganza. Then begins the Summer of Music. I may have spent WAY too much money on concert tickets for this summer. But goddamn, there is so much goodness coming to KC this year!
Rambling. Rambles. I have to poop.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
The Beast Within
I ate cheetos on Sunday for the first time since I started Weight Watchers back in December. Ever since, I have been CRAVING THE FUCK out of junk food. But it's been so long since I purposefully ate that stuff that I don't even know what I'm craving. Just random things to munch. NOMNOMNOMNOM GET IN MY BELLY!!
Whatever you are. I'm not good at snacking anymore.
Which, most days, is super duper awesome. I am "living the plan" as they say. And by "they," I mean Weight Watchers. I don't even track anymore. I just eat well. I'm exercising. (Kettlebell, whut whut!) Losing slowly but surely. Making good choices.
But this week, Post-Cheeto Week, I want...more cheetos I suppose. I want to bathe in gravy. I want oreo shakes.
I think my brain is self-sabotaging because we're SO CLOSE to our 10% goal. Never mind that it's taken damn near 4 months to get there. Whatever. We're close. And my brain is rebelling. "NOOOOOO!!! Be fat and unhappy foreeeeeeeeveeeeer!!!! We like you sedentary, wasting away!!!!"
Anyway. Cheetos.
Whatever you are. I'm not good at snacking anymore.
Which, most days, is super duper awesome. I am "living the plan" as they say. And by "they," I mean Weight Watchers. I don't even track anymore. I just eat well. I'm exercising. (Kettlebell, whut whut!) Losing slowly but surely. Making good choices.
But this week, Post-Cheeto Week, I want...more cheetos I suppose. I want to bathe in gravy. I want oreo shakes.
I think my brain is self-sabotaging because we're SO CLOSE to our 10% goal. Never mind that it's taken damn near 4 months to get there. Whatever. We're close. And my brain is rebelling. "NOOOOOO!!! Be fat and unhappy foreeeeeeeeveeeeer!!!! We like you sedentary, wasting away!!!!"
Anyway. Cheetos.
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| IF ONLY! |
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Impossibility of Closure
You left me at my most vulnerable.
You never bothered to worry if I was okay.
You never cared to tell me why.
Not even worthy of a real conversation.
Just a couple of drunk dances.
I hope someday you realize that is not how friends treat each other. And you make an effort to make sure the next girl is okay. Not just wait for her to get over it.
(That wasn't supposed to sound like a poem. I just don't have a lot of complete thoughts right now. But I do have a new painting. GO!)
You never bothered to worry if I was okay.
You never cared to tell me why.
Not even worthy of a real conversation.
Just a couple of drunk dances.
I hope someday you realize that is not how friends treat each other. And you make an effort to make sure the next girl is okay. Not just wait for her to get over it.
(That wasn't supposed to sound like a poem. I just don't have a lot of complete thoughts right now. But I do have a new painting. GO!)
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| The Siren Beneath the Water |
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